Another story

Last month I wrote a list about a trauma I experienced. I now know some of you would like to tell your story and you don’t because you don’t have a website or a blog to put it on. NOW you do! I’m hosting stories (annonymous and public) on my blog. I can truly say from my own experience that the world will listen and be kind ❤️ Message me or tag someone who has a story the world needs to hear. (Ps. a list will do... no need for essays or eloquent prose) I’ve been really moved by the messages I’ve had from people telling me my post helped them somehow. It made the nerves worthwhile. I hope you’ll share too! There's no deadline. Just know this offer is always there.

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.
— Brené Brown

The first anonymous story I've received is below ...thank you to the person who shared this. 

  • My husband died in January. It was very sudden and unexpected and I spent the first three months in a total fog not believing it had happened. I am 34. He was 39.
  • We were in the middle of IVF - The next embryo was due to be put in a week later - I have lost him and the family we were trying to create. I could still have his child, but should I?
  • I didn't eat properly for the first 3 months, and so I am the thinnest I have ever been as an adult. I look fantastic and I am so happy about wearing size 12 jeans.  
  • I feel alive. I am walking hours each day - I feel vibrant and miserable all at the same time. I have been having casual sex with internet dates. It feels exciting and awful. It helps me connect with my pain which is messed up, but I know it's also helping.
  • I have had some of the most powerful, connected and meaningful conversations of my life in the last few months. Most family and friends have been amazing, giving more than I could ever have hoped for. The ones who check I am home, or send texts in the middle of the night because they know I can't sleep.
  • I have made new friends, started new hobbies. I feel unmoored. Who am I now? 
  • I don't feel any guilt as I know I am just doing my best in an awful situation. But I am angry at his father who has really behaved badly. I am angry at his mother who doesn't want to talk about it AT ALL. 
  • I just fucking miss him. So many things to tell him. He'd have so much to say about how people have reacted. He would be proud of me. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.